Earl’s Behavioral Difficulties 7

If you didn’t see yesterday’s post, I announced a new collection that’s now available. I’ve also listed it on the Books and Stuff page. I’m going to start work on the next collection soon. What years would you like me to put together? Email me.

Did I ever tell you that not only am I the World’s Smartest Genius, I’m also the World’s Greatest Cook. I know what I’m talking about. I ought to know. I’ve had a lot of experience. I’ve been eating for over seventy years! OK, now that you’re convinced, here’s my recipe for:

Sautéed Shrimp à la Buddy

Buy about a pound of unclean shrimp. Fresh is better than frozen. (Unclean doesn’t mean socially inferior like in the Caste System. It means they still have the shells on. It’s best if the heads are attached too.) Do not wash the shrimp. If they’re frozen, don’t soak them in water. When you clean the shrimp, toss the heads in a plastic bag. Put the shells and legs in a bowl and the shrimp in another bowl.

If the veins are full of shrimp poop, you can cut that out. (Sometimes you can grab the alimentary canal at the neck and pull it out. That’s just another little hint from me, remember, I’m an expert.) So now you have a plastic bag full of shrimp heads (and maybe shrimp poop), a bowl full of unwashed shrimp and a bowl full of unwashed shrimp shells. You don’t want to use the heads because they are full of stuff that tastes worse than the poop) Chop up a small onion and two good size cloves of garlic.


Sauté that and the shrimp shells in a half a stick of butter. Don’t burn the butter.

When the onions are well cooked, push that mess through a strainer to retrieve the now delicious butter.

Here it is. I had to add a little more butter. Use a total of about half a stick, 4 ounces.

Toss the used onions and shrimp shells into the plastic bag with the heads. The heads will stink pretty soon, so what I do is I put that in the freezer until trash day. (If Frau Grace isn’t around I put all that stuff down the disposal. She thinks shrimp heads will break it. Geeze.) Return the butter to the same pan and add the shrimp. Add parsley. Be sure not to overcook the shrimp.

If you ever boil shrimp in the shells all the flavor is washed away. The only reason you should boil shrimp is when you make a shrimp cocktail.

The same thing is true for scallops. Never wash them. All the flavor is in the liquid. By the way, when I was a kid I fished scallops and sold them. I always felt sorry for scallops because they have eyes and they try to swim away from you. I also dug clams and sold them.

Back to Earl. I always liked this joke.

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4 Responses to Earl’s Behavioral Difficulties 7

  1. Steamer says:

    I always wondered whether you sometimes worked the story backwards from the gag? No matter, knowing the answer might ruin the humor.

    • budgra5_wp says:

      Yes, I did that occasionally. The way it works is I get the idea for the gag, and then I have to set it up so it works. Like a funny thought and you have to do some exposition and formatting to make it fit the four panels. The Sundays were a bitch because you have to draw the joke so it works in four or six or eight or nine panels, depending on the format of the Sunday paper that’s printing it.

  2. Chris says:

    Thanks for the cooking tips!

    • budgra5_wp says:

      Hey, try it! You know how sometimes sauteed shrimp has very little flavor? This works. For years I’ve wanted to make cooking videos.

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