I hope all you children out there had a wonderful Christmas. Believe me when I tell you that Santa Claus is the most wonderful person, or big elf, or whatever kind of transmorphic being that he may be, in the whole wide world. God bless you Santa Claus!
When I was a little kid just like you, I knew that there was nobody in the entire universe as good as Santa. And I still think so. I’m sure that your daddy or mommy told you that Santa and I are best buddies. In my small way I’ve tried to help him out when he had difficulties with the inconceivably tough job that he has to do every Christmas. I love Santa with all my heart, and everybody with a brain and a heart should love him too. Look at today’s comic and see what I’m talking about.
But if you’re just a little kid you should know that Christmas is more about giving than receiving. When you grow up you will understand this. Like today, for example. As I was driving to my cousin’s home to give his little grandchild a present that Santa left with me, I came across an old man just near my house. His bicycle had a flat tire. His name was Gary. I tried to pump up the tire, but it wouldn’t hold air. I put him and his bicycle in my car and drove him the fifteen stinking miles to his trailer park across the river in Palmetto, which a certain acquaintance of mine calls “Palmghetto.” I would have liked him better, but he didn’t shut up the whole trip there. He was a poor old man, living in a trailer just as I did when I was a cute, poor little child, except that his trailer was light years better that the roach and termite infested grovel that I grew up in. He was ever so grateful. This is a picture of Gary as I dumped him and his bicycle off in the trailer park:
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