I just realized that I hadn’t checked my email in the past ten days. Oops. Here are a few good one-liners from Phillip B:

I like to make lists.  I also like to leave them lying on the kitchen counter, and then guess what’s on the list when I am at the store.

I relabeled all of the jars in my wife’s spice rack.  I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

I asked a supermarket employee where they kept the canned peaches.  He said, “I’ll see,” & walked away.  I asked another & he also said, “I’ll see,” & walked away.  In the end, I gave up & found them myself, in Aisle C.

A guy walks into a lumberyard & asks for some 2x4s.  The clerk asks, “How long do you need them?”  The guy answers, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

So, my neighbor knocked on my front door at 3 a.m.  3AM!!!  Luckily, I was already up playing the bagpipes.

I too was once a male trapped in a female body…but then my mother gave birth.

Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”  I said, “No, it doesn’t.”


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *